Daddy Instincts

My wife recently passed along a story about relatives and parenting choices, and I feel it bring up a couple of important topics.

First of all, I think spanking is an appropriate part of disciplining a child. I think the severe backlash against spanking, whether among the Dr. Spock crowd or the APers, is unwarranted. That said, I think corporal punishment should be infrequent, never the first choice of punishment, and never, *ever* out of anger or frustration. I don't trust a lot of people to do this. Nobody's planning to spank my <5 month old daughter right now, but as she gets older, some of my good friends and family will. Let me assure you: no matter how trustworthy I'm sure you are, you do *not* get to spank my daughter. I will have to know and trust your caretaking abilities for a long time before I will entrust you with that authority. For most of you, I just won't. It's nothing personal.

Second of all, if my mother had spanked my daughter after I had already expressed to her that I didn't want her spanked and had already told her about her sore bottom, my visceral reaction would be to slap my own mother. "I slapped your face so that you'd know not to hit my children on their wounds." I hope I would be able to reign in this violent tendency, and I'm confident my mother wouldn't do such a horrible thing, but I guess it's nice to know I have daddy instincts.

Finally, I would like this to be a notice to my parents, my parents-in-law, and really all parents out there: Just because my wife and I parent differently than you does not mean our every action is a judgement on the way you raised / are raising your kids. I don't think there is a one-size-fits-all way to parent, and I certainly don't doubt you are doing what you think is best for your child, which is all one can expect anyway. We're just not going to do things that way. If you ask us, we'll tell you why. If you want to discuss parenting choices, we'll discuss. If you want to defend yourself, don't. You're not under attack.